I have known for awhile that I have a story to tell. At first, I thought the point of my story was to show how God wrecked my comfortable life to lead me to a path of ultimate abundance in Him. A story similar to that of the Israelites of reaching the Land of Canaan after wandering in the wilderness. It would be a beautiful story of experiencing some hardship, feeling discomfort for a season and then God setting everything back to normal (only better) and continuing on in my typical American pursuit of all things leading to a comfortable, easy life, which would now be made even better because of the season of hardship I had endured. And since God is so awesome and moved us to Texas where everything is bigger (and better!), of course that would apply to my situation and my house and bank account would also be bigger. That seemed like a fair trade off for the year I had endured. I would share my experiences from the other side, the promised land. I was just waiting to get to a comfortable place to say ‘Look what God has done!’ I was waiting to show how God brought me out of the hardship and provided blessings as a reward for getting through it. It’s ridiculous, I know! I hate reading what I just wrote, because it shows how greedy and prideful I have been. Unfortunately, it takes getting the words written and actually seeing my thoughts to realize how ridiculous and selfish they are. And I know I could clean this up and not even tell you the prideful, greedy, selfish part, but that would be even more prideful. So here’s the truth, I don’t have it all figured out. There are a lot of days that I feel mad or sad or disappointed that I had to give up my material comforts. Isn’t dealing with the heartache of mental illness, addiction, and wayward children enough? Do I really have to struggle financially too?? There are many days that I wrestle with my attitude about it all. Sharing my story is not about how I did it all right. It’s about how I still get it wrong much of the time, but I am seeking Him and He is good. He is faithful. He is God. He has been with me through every hard step.
My story is about how He has met me IN the hardship and walked with me through my darkest days. And He is still showing up every day. I am done waiting to be in a comfortable spot to say Look what God has done! I am saying it now, even in the hard places, especially in the hard places. I’m not asking Him to remove the hard places anymore (most days). I am asking Him to USE the hard places. To use me and not let me waste the work He is doing in me by looking beyond right now. Those hard places where all the pain, heartache and growth have and still are occurring….that is really the story I need to tell.
Sharing the experience of lessons learned at my lowest points, how He provided through the through the hardest days, how that is growing me. That is where hope and comfort can be shared. That is the story I am here to tell.