addiction, mental illness, Prayers

Unwelcome Companions

A jaw so clenched in sleep that I woke with an aching mouth. Racing heart and scattered thoughts of worry waiting for me to stir, my unwelcome companions for the day.  Tools of the enemy. They are uninvited. Who opened the door and let them in?

How often have I been lacking empathy for a loved one who suffers from anxiety that seems to come out of nowhere? It doesn’t make sense if it cannot be assigned a reason for occurring, right? And yet, am I not experiencing the same right now? As I cry out to God to bring peace and erase my fear and worry, I can’t help but wonder what hopelessness I would feel if I did not have the comfort of my Heavenly Father to turn to. How in the world could I  walk through the pain of wayward children, addiction, mental illness or any other trouble in this earthly life without  knowing that His love and compassion transcend my earthy pain and fear? A mother’s broken heart is no joke. It’s hard to imagine the despair of believing this earthly journey is all there is. Oh how I long for the day that He comes to take us to our Heavenly home!  This Earth is temporary. It is not my permanent home. I pray for guidance to fulfill my duties and purpose here as I long for the day to be taken home to my Savior.

Father God, you are greater, stronger, bigger, more powerful than my problems, struggles and fears. Today my problems and fears feel too big for me to face. I give them to you. Please help me not to believe or be seduced by feelings, but to believe and speak your truth. Pour your truth into me today. Fix my eyes and thoughts on you. I long for peace that only you can give. Peace no matter the storm, no matter the worry, no matter the uncertainty of this life. Peace that is deep and abiding.

I know that you have allowed these situations, this pain, these specific struggles into my life for a reason. I may not yet (or ever) understand the reason, but I acknowledge that you have purpose for this season of pain and heartache and that you can redeem this story and create something beautiful from the mess. Take my worries and my sorrow. Craft my pain and heartache into something that will bring glory to you. Release me from anxiety, fear and worry. Give me rest in you today.

 ~Amen

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your cares on him because he cares for you.

Psalm 16:8 I know the Lord is always with me. He is at my right hand. I will always be secure.

Uncategorized

Dusting off the Neglected Blog or I Became a Blogger Who Doesn’t Blog

Well Hello, Blogoshere! Long time, no see! Let’s wipe the dust off this thing and catch up a bit. I am painfully aware that I have published to my neglected blog space just seven times in total and I am faced with the sad reality of how quickly I became a blogger who doesn’t blog. For the sake of transparency, I will disclose that I have a somewhat long and notable history of beginning projects with great enthusiasm and then not seeing them through. But goodness, neglecting this blog in its wee infancy may be a record even for me. Sigh.

One could argue (ME-I am the one arguing) that it’s no big deal. After all, it’s not my job, no one is depending on me or even expecting me to send posts out into cyberspace. It’s not my personality to be oversharing (or even sharing much at all) about my life, so the very act of actually publishing is uncomfortable at best and somewhat painful at worst. I don’t get paid to do it, so it’s not a job. I don’t have a strong desire to do it, so it’s really not a hobby either. Is it something I tried and it just didn’t fit? I don’t think I have pursued and practiced long enough to answer that question.

What I do know is this, I have been dragging around a decent sized bag of guilt over my lack of blog posting. Why? I HAVE NO IDEA! Maybe it has a little to do with the fact I have written dozens of blog posts in my head. Sadly, they rarely make it to paper or computer for a full fleshing out. Man, are they good and thought-provoking as they roll around in my head though!

What is keeping me from getting those words out? Sitting long enough to wrestle out those words is a major hurdle. It’s the sitting part that is hard for me. And the writing part. And the seeing my words staring back at me part. And the not getting distracted by Every Single Thing within eyesight part.

Sitting is hard. Writing is hard. Focusing is Super Hard!

Oh, and I might have a tendency to be a bit lazy when faced with something hard or uncomfortable. It’s much easier to turn on Netflix, read someone else’s actual GOOD writing or take a nap.

Here’s the funny thing (or not so funny depending on how the call from the doctor goes next week)……an unexpected “procedure” on the sole of my foot has left me with two weeks with plenty of time to SIT while the healing takes place. Anyone who knows me, knows that two weeks of not running means it could get pretty ugly up in here (you may want to say a prayer for my dear husband…). Long walks with my husband and dog, hiking on the weekends and daily runs in solitude are my go to habits for a healthy and happy me. This is my exercise, my hobby, my stress relief, my “me” time and I am already anxious to get back to that normal. Having said that, those are all the very reasons why I am extremely motivated to take the necessary steps to ensure quick and full healing to the area. Hopefully, time off my feet in the short term will prevent time off my feet in the long term.

In the meantime, maybe I’ll start spending more time hanging out here.